Finding Your Tribe
I’ve recently been thinking a lot about the notion of ‘finding your tribe’. That’s a big thing my family always used to refer to each other as. “You guys are my tribe”, my Aunt Kate would say as we sat around the dinner table cheers-ing a glass of crisp (probably mediocre) white wine. I never took the time to think about the importance of having a tribe - how monumental a gift it is to be able to surround yourself with like minded, loving, conscious, individuals that make this experience in life so much richer. So much more interesting. So much more revealing as to capacities of our own emotions - showing us how deeply we can love, how hard we can laugh, how transferable pain is.
Unfortunately, at times, it can be tempting to succumb to this thought : I don’t need anyone but myself. I know this because I spent years of my life - probably the majority of my life - operating from this thought playing on repeat - without my conscious consent. I spent years keeping people at a distance - even if I didn’t know I was, in hindsight, I always felt like I was always clenching. Like I was always on alert. Like I was always ready for someone to leave, and when they did, I would be ok because I didn’t fully reveal myself to them anyways. Honestly, it felt like both fingers pulling at both ends of a Chinese Finger Trap*.
The longer this thought played on repeat, the more that became the reality I was experiencing. More and more every day, I felt farther and farther away from people. They were the most minuscule steps, but one day it truly amounted to a distance I was scared to acknowledge. The most wild part - in an effort to be the only person I needed, I’d never felt farther away from myself.
I think the most drastic transformation occurred at the time I was on the journey of distinguishing between these two paradigms:
I have everything I need inside myself
Vs
I don’t need anyone but myself.
This simple reframe is the difference between a journey that empowers you, that fulfills you, that brings you joy in every moment, so in turn, you find yourself surrounded by people - people who are also bright lights. People who want to join you in shining, not dim your light.
The second is a journey that isolates you, that leaves you doubting your worth, that leaves you suspended in the pain of perceived unworthiness, so in turn, you do not feel deserving of being a part of a group of people that shine. Instead, you have convinced yourself, albeit falsely, that you are meant to be alone, to trudge through this life, this experience on Earth without any true, unconditional love - in whatever form that takes.
One is a journey inward to yourself. One is a journey alone. The distinction is crucial.
Finding your tribe is not easy. It takes being honest with yourself. It takes reevaluating certain dynamics that perhaps you’ve become complacent in that no longer serve you. It takes intentionally choosing yourself while you are intentionally choosing who you share your energy with.
When you start to embody your worth, your value, and establish standards for the people you choose to share your light with, you’ll one day look around and realize you’ve cultivated relationships unlike any others in your past - relationships with people that celebrate your wins and extend a hand when you fall. In seeking and surrendering to true, unconditional, companionship / friendship you are healing the wounds - the lies - that kept you isolated. In building your tribe, you are exposing the fiction that is the illusion of unworthiness. And that, my loves, is the road to an unwavering, radiant, self love.
* Chinese Fingers Traps are so fun - if any one knows where I can get one of those babies, hmu